So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm like, not good at living.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
