I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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