how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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