Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
