Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
