so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
