It was confusing and full of hummus
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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