I puked a lego.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
