We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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