he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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