I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
