Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im holly from the hills drunk
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
