I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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