break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
