My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
