no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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