official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
