One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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