I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
