and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
