i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my shit smells like andre
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dear god my vagina.
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