I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
