all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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