Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
