I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
