u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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