She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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