The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
