Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
