Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
