oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
