ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
