Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
