can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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