You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
