I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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