and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
