lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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