I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
