I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
