Whod you bang
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
