do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You made out with two different species that night
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
