Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize