i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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