Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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