After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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