i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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