hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
