Your face is a jimmy john
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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