so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I need moral support for this bender
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
