this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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