She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize