I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
