Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize