birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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