ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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