My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
