You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you would pick up someone in the library
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
