I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
