Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This is classic penis vs brain.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
