Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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