My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
