um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
