did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
