Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
BRING THE BAGELS
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
