a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
