Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
