You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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