It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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