the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
