dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
