so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
