I feel like abortions should bother me more
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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