thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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