This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
