It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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